so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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