mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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