Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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