so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
