Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
