I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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