Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
