Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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