Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
