I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
