Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
