so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
