if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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