I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
