Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.