You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?