and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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