Who wears a wallet chain?!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My bed is full of blood and feathers
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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