We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he thought i was a dude.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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