Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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