So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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