It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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