I met the friendliest cop last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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