hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
