Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
