Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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