So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
