thus making me awesome and them whores
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
