You were right. It hurts to walk today.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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