i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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