accomplished twins. life is a go
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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