she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
