Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
