We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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