PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
