the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
