My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
