I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize