wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm jealous of your bromance
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just blew my weed a kiss
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
