Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
