I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
