dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
