Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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