Sry I called you an 8
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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