Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize