i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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