we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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