At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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