I am in a vortex of obligation.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
