we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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