those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
