i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
