i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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