Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize