you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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