So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
