Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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