You can't special order awesome
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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